The holidays are supposed to be joyful.
Which can make it feel particularly shitty when you're already dreading them.
Maybe you're thinking about the family member who will inevitably make that comment. The money you're expected to spend. The travel. The packed calendar. The disrupted routines. The socializing. Trying to make everything magical for everyone else.
Or maybe the holidays bring up grief, complicated family relationships, loneliness, or memories you'd rather not revisit.
And then, on top of the anxiety itself, comes another thought:
I should be enjoying this.
But you don't have to love the holidays just because the calendar says you're supposed to.
Why Can the Holidays Cause So Much Anxiety?
The holiday season can bring a surprising number of stressors together at once.
There may be financial pressure, travel, family dynamics, changes in routine, more social obligations, less downtime, end-of-year work stress, and the expectation that somehow you're supposed to be enjoying all of it.
For people with ADHD or autism, disrupted routines, sensory overload, transitions, crowded environments, and increased social demands can add another layer.
For someone grieving, the absence of a person you love may feel especially noticeable.
And if family relationships are complicated, going “home for the holidays” may not feel comforting at all.
Sometimes holiday anxiety makes complete sense given what the holidays are asking of you.
You Don't Have to Do Everything
One of the fastest ways to turn the holidays into something you survive rather than enjoy is trying to meet everyone else's expectations.
You don't necessarily have to attend every event.
You don't have to spend more than you can afford.
You don't have to continue every tradition.
You don't have to stay for six hours because that's what you've always done.
And yes, someone might be disappointed.
That's often the uncomfortable part of setting boundaries: a boundary can be appropriate even when someone else doesn't like it.
Instead of asking, “How do I fit everything in?” try asking:
“What actually matters to me this year?”
Maybe there are traditions you genuinely love.
Maybe there are obligations you're willing to tolerate because the relationship matters to you.
And maybe there are things you're doing entirely because you're afraid of how someone will react if you don't.
Those are worth noticing.
Make Room for Recovery, Too
If your calendar says:
Holiday party. Family gathering. Shopping. Travel. Work. Another party. Hosting. More family.
...and nowhere does it say absolutely nothing, your nervous system may have some complaints.
Rest doesn't have to be something you earn after you've successfully completed the holidays.
If you know a family gathering drains you, don't schedule three other things that day if you can avoid it. If you're traveling, give yourself time to decompress afterward. If you're neurodivergent and know certain environments are overstimulating, think ahead about what might make them more manageable.
Sometimes coping isn't about becoming better at tolerating an overwhelming schedule.
Sometimes it's making the schedule less overwhelming.
It's Okay If the Holidays Are Complicated
You can love your family and need boundaries with them.
You can enjoy traditions and still feel overwhelmed.
You can be grateful and grieving.
You can look forward to parts of the season and desperately want other parts to be over.
Two things can be true at the same time.
So if you're experiencing holiday anxiety this year, you don't need to force yourself into gratitude, joy, or holiday spirit.
Instead, consider asking yourself:
What would make this season feel a little more manageable for me?
Not perfect.
Not magical.
Just manageable.
Maybe this year, that's enough.
Looking for Support With Anxiety?
If anxiety, family stress, grief, overwhelm, or difficult relationship dynamics are making the holiday season especially hard, therapy can give you space to sort through what's coming up and figure out what you actually need.
At Authentic Connections Counseling, we work with teens and adults navigating anxiety, overwhelm, neurodivergence, grief, trauma, relationships, and life transitions.
Contact us below to learn more or schedule a free 15-minute consultation.
