So You Have an Anxious Attachment—Now What?
Discovering that you have an anxious attachment style can feel overwhelming. You might have read about it online or recognized yourself in phrases like “clingy,” “overly sensitive,” or “afraid of abandonment.” First things first: having an anxious attachment isn’t a flaw or a life sentence. It’s simply a way your brain and body have learned to navigate relationships, often rooted in early experiences.
So, what’s next? Let’s explore how to embrace this insight and take meaningful steps toward growth, balance, and secure relationships.
What Is Anxious Attachment?
Anxious attachment is one of the four main attachment styles (the others being secure, avoidant, and disorganized). People with this style often:
Worry about being rejected or abandoned.
Seek constant reassurance from loved ones.
Feel intense emotional highs and lows in relationships.
It’s important to remember that this style developed as a response to your early environment. Maybe you experienced inconsistency in caregiving or found it hard to feel safe in your emotional connections. Your brain learned to protect you by being hyper-alert to potential signs of disconnection.
Step 1: Acknowledge Your Attachment Style Without Judgment
You are not “too much” or “broken.” Your anxious attachment is simply part of your relationship blueprint, and like any blueprint, it can be adjusted. Embrace this knowledge with self-compassion.
Tip: Practice saying to yourself, “This is how I’ve learned to cope, and I’m open to learning healthier patterns.”
Step 2: Learn to Self-Soothe
One hallmark of anxious attachment is relying on others for reassurance. While connection is important, learning to soothe yourself can help you feel more secure.
Ways to Self-Soothe:
Practice deep breathing when you feel anxious about a partner’s behavior.
Use affirmations like, “I am worthy of love and connection.”
Engage in calming activities, such as journaling, walking, or yoga.
Building self-soothing skills takes time, but it’s an essential step in reducing dependency on external validation.
Step 3: Strengthen Communication Skills
People with anxious attachment often struggle with expressing their needs clearly. This can lead to misunderstandings or conflict in relationships.
How to Communicate Effectively:
Use “I” statements: Instead of saying, “You never text me back!” try, “I feel anxious when I don’t hear from you because communication helps me feel connected.”
Focus on expressing needs without blame.
Practice active listening to create a safe space for mutual understanding.
Step 4: Build a Secure Base Within Yourself
A key aspect of healing anxious attachment is developing security within. This means fostering a sense of stability and trust in yourself.
Steps to Build Security:
Reflect on your strengths and past successes.
Set boundaries to protect your emotional well-being.
Spend time nurturing your own interests and passions.
When you feel fulfilled and confident in your own life, you’ll feel less dependent on others for validation.
Step 5: Seek Support
You don’t have to navigate this journey alone. Therapy can provide a safe space to explore the roots of your attachment style and develop healthier relationship patterns.
At Authentic Connections Counseling & Wellness, we specialize in helping individuals heal attachment wounds and foster secure, meaningful connections. Our holistic approach integrates traditional therapy with somatic practices like Reiki, yoga, and craniosacral therapy to address emotional and physical aspects of anxiety.
The Beauty of Anxious Attachment
Yes, you read that right—there’s beauty in having an anxious attachment style. People with this attachment style are often deeply empathetic, emotionally intelligent, and eager to connect. The goal isn’t to erase your sensitivity but to channel it into healthier, more balanced relationships.
Ready to Take the Next Step?
Understanding your anxious attachment is just the beginning. With the right tools and support, you can create fulfilling relationships that feel safe, secure, and connected.
At Authentic Connections Counseling & Wellness, we’re here to guide you on your journey. Schedule your appointment today and start building the secure connections you deserve.
