Feeling "Stuck" with ADHD: Overcoming Demand Avoidance
If you have ADHD, you've probably experienced that feeling of being stuck—a sense of paralysis where there’s a mountain of things you need to do, things you want to do, but for some reason, you can’t get started. You know it's important, and you know you’ll feel better once it’s done. Yet, for some reason, you end up avoiding it altogether. The pressure builds, and procrastination takes over, making the task feel even harder to face.
This feeling of being stuck is something that many people with ADHD experience, and it can often be connected to something called demand avoidance. This isn’t about laziness; it's about the emotional and mental resistance to starting or completing tasks, even when you know they’re necessary. And if you're dealing with ADHD, this resistance can be especially strong.
Why Do I Feel Stuck?
For people with ADHD, managing tasks is often like trying to drive a car with the brakes on. Executive functions—the skills we use to plan, organize, initiate, and follow through on tasks—are harder to regulate. This means something that might seem like a minor task to someone without ADHD (like answering an email or starting a project) can feel overwhelming to you. The idea of getting started triggers feelings of stress, anxiety, or frustration, and your brain can get stuck in the loop of avoidance.
It’s not about not caring or not trying. In fact, many people with ADHD want to get things done and know they will feel better once they do. But the moment the task feels like a demand or something that has to be done, the brain responds by pushing back. It's like your brain perceives the task as a threat or a burden, even if logically, you know it’s something that needs to be handled.
Understanding Demand Avoidance
Demand avoidance can show up in many ways. You might avoid tasks because they feel too hard to begin, or maybe because you’re worried about not doing them perfectly. There could be a sense of not knowing where to start, so you end up doing nothing instead. This avoidance is often driven by the emotional intensity you experience when facing a task—whether it’s fear of failure, frustration, or just the sheer weight of expectations.
For some, the sense of being “stuck” may also come from perfectionism. When you have ADHD, you might set high standards for yourself, but you feel overwhelmed by the effort needed to meet those standards. So instead of diving into the task, you freeze. You may feel like you’re wasting time or not living up to your potential, which only adds to the pressure.
How to Overcome the Feeling of Being Stuck
The good news is that feeling stuck due to ADHD doesn’t have to last forever. There are steps you can take to get unstuck and start moving forward. Here are some strategies that might help:
Break Tasks into Smaller Pieces
One of the best ways to combat demand avoidance is to break tasks down into tiny, manageable steps. Instead of thinking, “I need to write a report,” think, “I will write the first paragraph,” or “I will outline the introduction.” By focusing on just one small step, you make the task feel more achievable.Use Timers for Focus
Try using a technique like the Pomodoro Technique—work for 25 minutes, then take a 5-minute break. This can help trick your brain into focusing by limiting the time commitment. Knowing you’ll only be working for a short period makes it easier to get started, and the break gives your brain the rest it needs to stay fresh.Practice Self-Compassion
It’s easy to get caught in a spiral of negative self-talk when you’re stuck. “I should be better at this,” or “Why can’t I just get started?” These thoughts only add to the resistance. Instead, practice self-compassion. Understand that your brain works differently, and that’s okay. Be kind to yourself and acknowledge that getting started—no matter how small—is a win.Set Clear and Flexible Deadlines
Having clear deadlines can help you feel a sense of urgency, but being flexible with how you approach the task can ease the pressure. If a deadline feels too rigid, it can create more resistance. Allow yourself some flexibility, like adjusting the timeline or breaking the task into phases, so it feels less overwhelming.Accountability Partners
Having someone to check in with can help you stay on track. Whether it’s a friend, a family member, or a therapist, knowing that someone is there to support you can ease the anxiety around starting a task. You don’t have to do it alone—sometimes, just having someone to talk through it with can make a huge difference.
A Final Thought
If you’re feeling stuck because of ADHD, you’re not alone. Many people with ADHD experience demand avoidance, and it’s not a sign of failure—it’s a sign that your brain is reacting to the stress of the situation. With the right strategies and mindset, you can start overcoming the feeling of being stuck and regain control over your tasks. Remember: even the smallest step forward is progress. So be patient with yourself, and know that you can move past this!
Take Action Today
If you're ready to break free from the feeling of being stuck, take the first step today. Whether it’s breaking your tasks down into smaller chunks or practicing self-compassion, you have the tools to move forward. And if you're looking for more support, schedule a session with one of our providers to explore personalized strategies for managing ADHD and overcoming demand avoidance. Together, we can help you get unstuck and achieve your goals.
Book your session or contact us below to start feeling more in control.
