Let’s talk about dating for a second. Whether you’re swiping left, DM-ing, or just waiting for that cute barista to finally ask for your number, dating in today’s world can feel… stressful. There’s excitement, sure, but for many of us, there’s also this looming thought that if we don’t lock someone down ASAP, we’ll be stuck living alone with 47 cats. (And no shade to cats, but you get the point.)

That fear? That’s what we call a scarcity mindset, and it can seriously mess with your love life. But don’t worry—this isn’t one of those "just love yourself, and everything will magically fall into place" talks. We’re getting real about how a scarcity mindset can sneak into your dating life, why it happens, and what you can do about it. Spoiler alert: You’ve got options (and hope)!

So, What Is Scarcity Mindset?

Imagine you’re at an all-you-can-eat buffet. There’s food everywhere, right? But for some reason, you’re hyper-focused on that one last slice of pizza. In your mind, that slice becomes the only option, and if someone grabs it, it feels like the end of the world. That’s scarcity mindset in a nutshell—thinking there’s only one shot, one chance, or one option, and if you miss it, you're out of luck.

In dating, scarcity mindset sounds like this:

• “There’s no one else like them out there.”

• “I better settle, because who knows when I’ll find someone again?”

• “If this doesn’t work out, I’ll be single forever!”

Yikes, right? Scarcity thinking convinces you that if you don’t settle or make compromises right now, you’ll end up alone—forever. It’s like dating FOMO, but on steroids.

How Scarcity Mindset Affects Your Dating Life

Scarcity mindset can make you feel like your dating pool is more like a kiddie pool—shallow and limited. And when you’re swimming in a kiddie pool, it’s easy to cling to the first person who seems decent enough. Suddenly, you’re justifying behaviors that don’t sit right with you or convincing yourself that this is the best you’ll get.

Ever found yourself in one of these situations?

• Ignoring red flags because “at least they’re giving me attention.”

• Staying in a relationship longer than you should because “dating is hard, and starting over sounds worse.”

• Feeling anxious about being single, so you lower your standards just to avoid it.

When you’re operating from a place of scarcity, your decisions in dating come from a place of fear—fear of being alone, fear of not being enough, fear of missing out. It makes you believe that there isn’t enough love, enough good people, or enough opportunities out there for you. And the worst part? It can lead you to make choices that don’t actually align with what you really want in a relationship.

The Truth: There’s Plenty of Love to Go Around

Here’s the thing: Scarcity mindset is lying to you. The world is filled with possibilities—yes, even when it comes to love. That "last slice of pizza" you were eyeing? It turns out there’s a whole kitchen in the back with unlimited pizza. (Okay, enough with the pizza metaphors, but you get it.)

There are plenty of good people out there, and just because something didn’t work out with one person doesn’t mean you’ve run out of options. You don’t have to settle for someone just because they’re the only one paying attention right now. And you certainly don’t have to be in a relationship just to feel worthy or avoid the discomfort of being single. You deserve better than that.

When you let go of the scarcity mindset, you start making decisions from a place of abundance. You realize that:

• You are enough—with or without a partner.

• There are plenty of people out there who will see and appreciate your worth.

• You deserve a relationship that feels good, where you don’t have to compromise your values, needs, or happiness just to avoid being alone.

Shifting from Scarcity to Abundance in Dating

Now, I get it. Letting go of the scarcity mindset doesn’t happen overnight. But you can start shifting your perspective, little by little, to embrace abundance when it comes to dating. Here’s how:

1. Set clear boundaries: When you know what you need in a relationship and stick to it, you’re more likely to attract people who align with those needs. Boundaries help you avoid falling into the trap of settling out of fear.

2. Focus on self-love: Yes, I know it sounds cheesy, but hear me out. When you love and value yourself, you stop relying on others to give you that validation. You’ll realize that being single doesn’t make you any less amazing. You’ll start dating from a place of confidence, not fear.

3. Remind yourself there are options: Every time scarcity thinking creeps in, remind yourself that you have options. You’re not stuck, and there are plenty of potential partners out there who will appreciate you for who you are.

4. Take a break if you need to: If dating is starting to feel like a chore or you’re feeling desperate to make it work with someone who doesn’t feel right, it’s okay to take a step back. Focus on yourself for a while. Trust that when you’re ready, you’ll find someone who aligns with your values and what you truly want.

You Deserve More Than “Just Good Enough”

At the end of the day, you deserve a relationship that makes you feel seen, valued, and respected. You don’t have to settle just because you’re afraid there’s nothing better out there. Whether you're a teen navigating the tricky world of high school crushes or an adult swiping through dating apps, abundance is out there for you. Trust that love is available in many forms and that you are worthy of finding the right connection.

Feeling stuck in a scarcity mindset when it comes to dating? We can help you explore these patterns and break free from fear-based decisions. Our practice offers compassionate support to teens and adults navigating relationships, anxiety, self-worth, and more. Reach out today and take the first step toward abundance in both love and life!