What to Do When Vulnerability Is Met With “I Don’t Know What You’re Talking About”

You finally open up to someone — a friend, partner, or even a family member. You’ve been carrying something heavy, and you decide to take the risk and share it. Maybe it’s something that hurt your feelings, something you’ve been overthinking, or just how lonely you’ve been feeling.

And then they hit you with:
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Oof.

That one sentence can land like a punch to the gut. You were hoping for connection, understanding — maybe even comfort. Instead, it feels like your vulnerability was brushed aside, questioned, or even denied.

So… what now?

Here’s what to do when your emotional openness is met with confusion, avoidance, or emotional invalidation — and how to protect your peace without shutting down.

1. 🧠 Know That This Is More Common Than You Think

First, you’re not alone. So many people have had the experience of opening up emotionally and being met with something like:

• “That’s not how I remember it.”

• “You’re being too sensitive.”

• “I don’t even know what you’re talking about.”

When this happens, it can trigger shame, self-doubt, or even emotional shutdown. You might think, “Was I overreacting?” or “Maybe I shouldn’t have said anything at all.”

But here’s the truth:
Their response says more about their capacity for emotional connection than it does about your worth or clarity.

2. 🛑 Pause Before You Over-Explain

When someone dismisses or invalidates us, we often want to rush in and clarify, explain, or “prove” our experience.

You don’t need to do that.

Sometimes people say, “I don’t know what you’re talking about” because they feel uncomfortable, defensive, or caught off guard. It's not your job to fix that in the moment.

Take a breath. You are allowed to pause and let the silence speak. It’s okay to say:

“That felt hard to hear. I was really trying to be open with you.”

That one sentence brings the focus back to how you feel — not their denial.

3. 💬 Decide If This Person Can Hold Space for You

This doesn’t mean you cut people off for responding poorly once. But it is a chance to check in with yourself:

• Do I usually feel seen and heard by this person?

• Do they take responsibility when something hurts me?

• Or do I often walk away from our conversations feeling worse?

If someone regularly invalidates you, gaslights your experience, or avoids emotional depth — it might not be safe to keep showing up vulnerably with them.

You deserve relationships where your emotional truth is welcomed, not questioned.

4. ❤️ Validate Yourself First

Whether or not someone “gets it,” you get to validate your own experience.

Try saying to yourself:

• “It makes sense that I wanted connection.”

• “I’m proud of myself for being brave enough to share.”

• “My feelings are still valid, even if someone doesn’t understand them.”

This is how we build emotional resilience — not by getting the perfect response from others, but by staying rooted in our own truth.

5. 🌱 Re-Route Your Vulnerability to Safe People

The real healing? It happens when you bring your openness to people who can hold it.

That might be a trusted friend, a therapist, a partner who’s learning, or even a journal if you’re not ready to share out loud again yet.

Vulnerability isn’t the problem. It’s just about learning where to bring it.

Final Thoughts:
Being vulnerable is hard enough — being dismissed makes it even harder. But please don’t let one hurtful moment convince you your feelings are “too much” or not worth sharing. You deserve to be heard.

And if you’re looking for support around healing from emotional invalidation or shame, therapy can help you rebuild trust with yourself and others.

Your voice matters. Your experience is real. And you’re not alone.